The Love Consultant: Dating and Relationship Advice from Aggieland’s Love Doctor
Dear LC,
I’ve been in about 14 relationships in the past 6 years. I know; that’s a lot for a girl.
I tend to be only interested in guys that aren’t interested in me. However, as much as I like the distance, I always press for more intimacy because I need it. But when I do eventually get it from them, it turns me off. It even makes me angry toward them. I know; I must sound insane.
I met a really nice guy about two weeks ago. And by nice I mean that he actually showed interest in me and seemed caring. He’s educated and he’s got his stuff together. But he started to say some scary things a couple of days ago–for example, that he liked me and that he was excited about the potential for a serious relationship.
When he started saying those things, I started pushing him away. It was like a reflex. I got scared. I was mad at him and turned off. So I started doing things to try to get him to keep his distance. That didn’t work, so I told him I didn’t want to get serious. I also told him I have trouble liking guys that like me, and when I said that to him, he said, “Maybe you have daddy issues.” Then he asked me about my relationship with my dad, and I told him it wasn’t so good.
What does he mean by daddy issues? Could that be true? I’d like to be in a healthy LTR one day, but it just never happens for me.
Dolly Daddy Issues
Dear Dolly,
First of all, how in the hell did you manage to have 14 relationships in only 6 years? Have you called Guinness yet?
Daddy issues come from a father-daughter relationship in which the father was not a significant factor in his daughter’s upbringing. He might have been a deadbeat, on the road doing business while you were growing up, or even when he WAS in your presence most of time, he was still absent to you emotionally. As a result, girls with “daddy issues” get into relationships with men that are similar to their bad father figures (sometimes as old, too). In other words, they go for guys that are “absent,” distant, non-involved and sometimes abusive.
These kinds of relationships don’t end well. The girl usually tries to make amends for her bad dad experiences by unconsciously making her boyfriend into reincarnations of her father. To fix things from the past, she’ll try to gain intimacy from her distant boy toy (to get love from her “father“). But when she finally gets affection, she doesn’t trust the intimacy because her real father never gave it to her.
For you, Dolly, each of these “distant guy” types results in a dead-end romance because each guy gives you both things that you don’t want: initially, distance, and later, affection. You’re not satisfied with him wanting you nor are you satisfied with him not wanting you.
The real problem with these issues is that they’re never resolved in relationships and rear their ugly heads in every new romance. These issues can (and usually will) ruin your life. I highly recommend that you talk with someone about this (in other words, a “real” doctor).
Want more Love Consultant? Check out MaroonWeekly.com!
Have a question for the Love Consultant? Email LC at aggielovesconsultant@gmail.com. Your question may be edited for length and content and all names will be changed to protect all real identities.