Maroon Weekly

The Love Consultant: Dating and Relationship Advice from Aggieland’s Love Doctor

Dear LC,

I’ve been in an open relationship with Tim for about 4 months.  We both have really busy schedules, and we decided early on that commitment–for either of us–was impossible.  So we decided we would spend time together when we could (once or twice a week), and that’s worked out fine.

I’ve never asked him if he’d been on other dates or if he’d fooled around.  Although I’ve been curious. He never asked me, either.  Honestly, I haven’t seen anyone else since we started the relationship.  I’ve left the door open for anything, just in case something came along.  But I’m so busy and focused on other things, so the time I spend with Tim is enough for me.

Last week I was joking with him about all of the other guys I’d been seeing.  Just for fun, just to get a reaction, in a flirty way.  Tim said, “That’s good to know.  Now I don’t feel bad.”  But he didn’t say it in a flirty, joking way.  He was serious.

It turns out Tim has been seeing two other girls the whole time.  And I don’t know why, but I feel jealous.  I knew the rules when I jumped into this, but still, my heart sank when he told me.  When we agreed in the beginning to not have anything serious, I was fine with the idea.  But now…I actually have feelings for him and I do feel like I want him in a closed relationship.  How do I go about asking him to date just me?  Is it possible?

Second-Thoughts Teri

Dear Teri,

Open relationships are for porn stars, hookers and gigolos.  In fact, the words “open” and “relationship” don’t make sense next to each other.  It’s a paradox.  It’s like saying the door is open closed.  So call it what it is: promiscuous dating.  You guys are just friends with benefits (and apparently he’s had more benefits than you).

Of course you like him now and want commitment.  He made you jealous, told you that you’re one of the two other hot chicks he’s been doing.  But ask yourself if the feelings would be the same if you had also been fooling around with other guys?

Listen, these dating games only work when there’s no contractual terminology.  The word “relationship” implies a contract, even if it’s tenuous next to the word “open.”  Next time, get your terms straight from the beginning.  Steer clear from labels that might bind you.  Just say “Let’s date,” or “Let’s just have fun,” or “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”  But you’ll only be able to say these things if you really mean them.  Make sure your skin is thick enough to deal with the possibility of a guy with multiple women.  And make sure your heart is out of it.

And, sure.  You can ask him if he’d like a closed relationship with you.  But good luck getting him to kick two other girls out of bed. 

Dear LC,

I met a girl at Schotzi’s last weekend and asked her for her phone number.  She said she doesn’t use her phone that much but she does use Facebook.  She gave me her card (she works for a lawyer’s office) and told me to friend her.  So I did the next day.

I figured I’d take it slow and not send her a message right away, since that’s advice you’ve given other guys in your column.  Instead, I just commented on some of her photos.  She’s traveled a lot and she took some nice photos in Spain and Egypt.  I “liked” some of them and I left a comment on one pic of her on the beach in Spain.  She looked hot, so I said it.  I also checked her relationship status to see if she was single or not, but she didn’t make that info available.

Anyway, long story short: I woke up the next day, went back to her page to send her a message and…she wasn’t there!  She disappeared.  I think she actually blocked me.  I’m really confused.

I still have her card and I’m thinking about calling her to see what’s up.  Is that a good idea?

Faceblocked Ben

Ben,

Let me get this straight.  You’ve read my column before, so you’re implying that you’ve learned to restrain yourself in the beginning?  But then you go and friend her the next day?  Ben, that’s like calling her the next day.  Same logic applies here.  You just don’t do that.  You could have waited a couple of days before you became her Facebook stalker–but no, you went in hard and fast and went out even faster.

But that’s not the worst part.  Then you went into her photo albums and “liked” some of her photos.  In other words, you gave her evidence that you were stalking her by leaving a trail of “likes” throughout her personal photos?  And she works at a law firm to boot!  Nice job, Ben.  You just gave the prosecutor evidence that you’re a stalker on the make.

The real cherry on top?  You wrote that she’s hot on one of her beach photos (and I’m assuming she was in a bikini, looking luscious, right?).  Great job.  Let me give you some insight as to why you were blocked (and you were, trust me).  She doesn’t know you from a hole in the ground, and here you are, a stranger, commenting on a half-naked photo of her.  She’s thinking, “What is this guy doing while he looks at my photos?”  You poor pervert. 

Yeah, Ben.  Go ahead.  Call her.  You’ll probably get her (if she even answers her phone) while she’s at work, drawing up your restraining order.

Have a question for the Love Consultant?  Email LC at aggielovesconsultant@gmail.com.  Your question may be edited for length and content and all names will be changed to protect all real identities.