Maroon Weekly

by Autumn Kushner

One of the most amusing things about being single is meeting single people who are more single than you. Contrary to what you may believe, there are several levels of single, just as there are many levels of a relationship. Other than the obvious players, there are single people who date, transitory singles, and then there are the chronic singles. They frequent bars, looking for that cute guy or that sexy female, hoping that the person of their dreams will walk in at any second.

Unfortunately the chronically single person is also a chronic dreamer. They tend to think that the woman they want is attainable, or that there are plenty of men that fit the checklist they have concocted. “I am so lonely. All I want is a woman who is nice, has a sense of humor, and finds me cute. Oh yeah, and is naturally thin, has gigantic boobs, never takes me to a chick flick, doesn’t fart, belch or make a mess, and only stays over when she can cook me breakfast the next morning.” or “All I’m looking for is a man who can get along with my friends, doesn’t look at other women, likes the outdoors, reads, is sensitive, a little muscular, and a perfect kisser.” When does expectation and fantasy stop being conducive and start becoming a liability?

The standards are everywhere and they are all for single people which only serves to help convolute their idea of a good mate. The fodder lines the “news” stands in the grocery stores: how to dress, what to weigh, the top ten ways to get a girl to show you her downstairs mix up. The worst part is that the people who fall hardest for this ideal are some of the nicest people out there. Many are hopelessly entranced in their idea of what would happen when they get into that relationship. The nights at home being taken care of, the way that special someone smells, and the wonderful warmth of finally being loved.

I think it is easy to forget the little things about a relationship that make it human. When single and craving the contact of another human being, it is easy to forget the things that make relationship worth having. It isn’t about the absence of loneliness or the constant action, the man or woman who matches every single item on the dreamboat list. Instead, it’s the little things, the memories. It is about impromptu dancing in the middle of the night in the frozen food aisle, the weird spot behind their ear that is ticklish, and the way the freckles on their neck make strange constellations.

These little things, these traits both unique and beautiful are so because they are the things that no matter what, you can never see coming. They are the things that will come to be most meaningful and despite them being essentially flaws, in them, by appreciating them, all the criteria a single self can dream up becomes void. Who cares if every once in a while a burp squeaks out? She trusts you. So what if he has a spot on his shirt? It shows that, hey, you’re dating a human. And after all, isn’t that the point?