Maroon Weekly

Page 41 or the Dangers of Experimenting with Classical Music

Recently, there has been an increasing amount of evidence suggesting that listening to classical music while studying could lead to higher concentration and subject material retention rates in students. After I realized I wasn’t eligible to take those cool little concentration pills many of my “ADD” friends take, this method obviously caught my attention as a simple way to snag a little bonus knowledge. I dove right into the classy experiment and duct taped a set of headphones to my ears, preparing to crank emcee Bach up to eleven. I was about to go on a learning binge, and all those 18th century suckers in the powdered wigs were about to be my wingmen.

I started out my binge, my personal test of the classical music theory, at 10:30 pm, setting myself up to read and do homework problems for a few sections in Bruce R. Munson’s thrilling horror novel “Fundamentals of Fluid Mechanics.” I knew it was going to be a struggle as during all my previous attempts to crack this book, I had usually checked Facebook before I even finished reading the title, but the duct tape was on, and so was the pressure.

I did some extensive research in order to discover the best composers by searching “Classical Music” into a YouTube search box. I patted myself on the back for the hard work when 0.01 seconds later I found the nearest playlist, comprised of thirty-one classical tracks and clicked on “Play All.” By God, I was about to study all night with these classy tracks! I was instantly greeted by swelling music that filled my ears – beautiful, soothing strings and what sounded like passionate mice running around randomly on a grand piano. Man, I sure did feel all smart and stuff. I open my textbook to page 38 and started to read with intensity and purpose.

When I woke up the next day, I had page 41 of my textbook stuck to my face. My headphones were draped around my neck and all my lights were on, except for the only light I really cared about, the metaphorical light in my brain signifying that I was feeling bright and mentally acute. I was not; that light in my brain was actually completely crushed when I passed out and slammed my face onto page 41 at around what I’m guessing was about 10:35 pm. I stumbled into class not long after my waking and promptly failed a quiz over material that was probably found on page 42, ever while cursing the likes of Mozart and Bach for their stupidly soothing lullabies.

It’s definitely unfair to say that listening to classical music results in failing quizzes. I’m sure given the proper approach to studying and the proper test subject (someone that actually knows or at least appreciates classical music a little more than I do) this method would actually be a beneficial tool for studying. Part of my problem, which I later learned, was due to the fact that the playlist I selected was actually entitled “Classical Music for Relaxation,” and it included some of the most sleep inducing songs ever written. Still! Even if I were listening to something loud and raucous with a bunch of French horns or whatever, the problem still remains that 96%* of college students can only listen to about an hour’s worth of violas and bassoons before they want to either a.) Fall asleep with no regard for the physical or scholastic repercussions or b.)Toss a Fender Stratocaster around to the back of their head, solo intensely for twenty-seven minutes, and then light the thing on fire with a Roman candle. While the latter sounds exactly like the dream I had while passed out on the aforementioned page 41, I think we can agree that neither of those activities could be considered constructive in terms of studying.

I don’t mean to write this as a deterrent to trying classical music as a study aid. The whole process of studying is an entirely subjective process, one that gets worked out with time (dependent on the fact that you actually study more than that one time at finals) Personally, I can’t stay awake with classical music tiptoeing around in my cranium, but I do some of my best work with other instrumental artists banging away in my head. Some of my favorite music to listen to while studying:

Explosions in the Sky, Ulrich Schnauss, Phillip Glass, and Boards of Canada

I always encourage people to try out all types of music while studying because with the insane variety of music that exists, there has to be something that helps keeps your head off your desk and your GPA off the floor. Just don’t experiment too much the night before a big test or you’ll end up cursing not only some random composers and artists but probably me as well.

*Totally random number I pulled out of the air.